As the mom of a tween who is already on the cusp of sass, attitude, and near-constant hysteria, I found the “Disaster Drill” in a recent issue of Cicada to be immensely helpful. Obviously, disaster has many different interpretations, depending on the context or the person for whom it is occurring. For most people, a tornado would be a good example of a disaster. For teens, however, disaster comes at a whole different scale.
The handy go-to guide provides a mix and match game for common (both realistically common and teenager-defined common) dilemmas and their sure-fire solutions. For example:
Emergency: An avalanche strikes.
Solution: Try to move to the side and grab onto a tree or boulder. If you get buried, carve out a space around your face so you can breathe while you wait for help.
Good advice for anyone, although with any luck you will never have to use this particular piece of wisdom.
What’s so great about this guide, however, is it also provides teen-specific disaster advice. For example:
Emergency: A zit strikes on school dance night.
Solution: Cover the area with concealer. Use a flashy necklace or bow tie to draw attention downward.
If you think this emergency sounds superficial and not worthy of the title “disaster,” you are not yet the parent of a teenager. When faced with such calamity, being a calm and rational voice of reason in this crisis will save both you and your teen hours of drama, so it pays to be prepared.
In addition to the great zit disaster, you will also learn how to handle impending catastrophes including, but not limited to:
- Ketchup spilled on your shirt
- Embarrassing photos on social media
- Snagged tights
- Quicksand
From one parent to another, this guide is worth checking out. And if your children haven’t hit the teen-stage yet, I recommend printing it out and putting it in a safe place for when it’s needed. You’ll thank me later.
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Cricket Media Mama is currently battling zombies in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future filled with aliens, quicksand, and badly-timed acne. She apologizes for mocking her tween’s definition of what constitutes an emergency and pledges to be better prepared in her next life. Please send donations in lieu of flowers.
